Saturday, September 30, 2006

1pm @ home on a lazy Saturday

Cai's looking outdoors in a daze. He must be wondering why the night is falling so soon.
It feels amazingly serene all of a sudden right infront of the comp typing this entry. The entire sky is gonna give way to a huge rain storm I presummed. The darkness that encompasses my usually bright living room is pretty welcoming. Soon, me and cai will step into this storm due east. Will it be as dark over there as well?

I wondered how you are getting at work. I supposed there isn't a cause to worry. I'm sure you will get by fine in this aspect. Haven't forgotten you in my prayers.

Friday, September 29, 2006

时间

有些人在生命中是很难要忘就忘的. 所流下的痕迹, 美好的记忆应该也很难抹去. 时间若是证明爱的指标, 我会给自己那个时间. 就算最终自己爱的人已经放弃, 已经找到幸福. 虽晚了, 至少我知道心里面的答案.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

远方

Favourite song of the week.
Sad songs like these just gets to you huh. =P

在冷的时候我们都彷徨
取暖的人怕他出门游荡
也是守着爱守在某个地方
多难都不走管它黑夜漫漫

也许反方向
也许隔了好几道墙
等默契用心培养
无论在哪个角落
感情线更坚强

爱人在远方
眼神却热切的眺望
沿着天传递温暖的想象
感动发烫

直到白发苍苍
岁月给了好梦一场
我的世界你不退让不绝望
不再流浪

也许有泪光
也许思念让人发狂
爱越累越该珍藏
无论在任何季节
都不乱也不忘

我的世界你不退让
也不再绝望

等待已代替了感伤
每一刻都想回到你身旁
热泪盈眶

我们的手谁都不放
你的世界有我保护
有我能体谅

你的世界有我保护有我扛
有我能体谅啊

Advices

A conversation with a net friend M of many years:

M: how many years did u receive education
M: from 7 till 21 right ?
Me: Around there
M: how many years did you train yourself on love matters
Me: in jc, there were crushes
Me: first relationship during uni
M: nah thats puppy
M: i know of many ppl who got married and unhappy of that but they have to live with it
M: maybe you dunno what you want tat's why you are unstable
Me: how do you know what you want?

M is 38 and a divorcee. He has met and experienced more than me. Though he gave much practical advices, matters of the heart is always complicated when you are in it.

M: trust me, I have been through all that you have. It's always devastating when you have to hurt someone whom you have loved and loved you.
Me: I must be mentally weak.
M: i dun think u are weak
M: on the contrary, i thot u are strong in mind
M: just diff to decide
M: maybe weak in heart

Be neutral was the conclusion he offered. Cos that's when I will really know what I want. Time will take away the pain that I was fighting to remove. Weak in mind or heart? Perhaps he's right.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

不知道为什么过了那么久, 自己依然还是不快乐.
真的是要失去才会珍惜的话, 我几时才能学明白.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Loose Change again

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Hand Foot Mouth

Back home from aunt's house cos ah ma's currently resting there after her discharge. Ting was just recovering from fever as well. Aunt must be pretty tired taking care of the both of them.

Was having dinner together when I noticed a slight rash on Ting's hands. I must really belong to the group of paranoids cos I started to look at her feet as well. Goodness... there were rashes there as well. Warned aunt the possibility of Hand Foot Mouth cos Ting has ulcers in her mouth too.

While we rested when gram, aunt hurriedly took Ting to see a doc. It turn out that our worries were right. Doc also suspected HFM and Ting is now put on antibiotics.

Had to take a thorough shower upon reaching home. Already am feeling unwell when I went over. The whole day long, I was feeling feverish. My voice is losing and the phelgm's building up. I guess my immunity system is weak right now. If HFM were to find its way near me, I will be so darn weak and ill.

Keeping my fingers cross...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

菊花台

你的泪光 柔弱中带伤
惨白的月儿弯弯 固住过往
夜太漫长 凝结成了霜
是谁在阁楼上冰冷地绝望

雨轻轻叹 朱红色的窗
我依身在纸上 被风吹乱
梦在远方 化成一缕香
随风飘散你的模样

菊花灿烂地烧
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
被风乱也微摇
你的影子剪不断
独留我孤单在湖面神伤

花已伤完 飘落了灿烂
凋谢的市道上 冥冥不堪
手摸独樵 愁心拆两半
他已上不了爱一辈子摇晃

谁的江山 马蹄声慌乱
我一身的戎装 呼啸沧桑
天微微亮 你轻声的叹
一夜惆怅如此委婉

菊花灿烂地烧
你的笑容已泛黄
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
被风乱也微摇
你的影子剪不断
独留我孤单在湖面神伤

Monday, September 11, 2006

Please hold on for me can?

Sometimes when things starts to come to you suddenly, you run. This time, I'm just choosing to face it. If there's anything to prioritise at this time, I must say its my grandparents. As much as I hate to think of it this way, there's a chance that my beloved grandma will leave me soon. The only thing I could do now is to be by her side as much as I can.

Suddenly, you see yourself doing what may deem silly in the past. Chionging down to the temple and selfishly request that the goddess will do anything in her means to retain her on this earthly tour even if it means to shorten my own lifespan. Willing myself to believe that things will go all well and soon she'll be up. Holding her still very warm hands by the bed watching with trepidation each time her heart beat goes beyond 150 and then instantly fluactuates back to 100 then 80. Heart skipping everytime the alarm by her bed beeps. People sure learn to treasure when they are about to lose huh. I'm so fan jian.

Seeing her starting to state her will, asking A to do this, B to do that and C to help safekeep her heirlooms to be passed down upon her death just makes me wanna cry. Despite the fact that she tells me she wishes to see me get married, she has already prepared all her granddaughters' 嫁妆 just in case.

Grandpa's been crying secretly. I see the frail him and wondered how much have he understood her condition. He's also going blind in one eyes himself and supposed to be getting treatment for it. No doubt he is seriously a nag really and I understand why grandma can get so pissed when he does that. To others, he may seem to be one that cannot be relied on, I see him as a doting husband that never fails to be there for his wife in her woes though she may not appreciate it.

Ah ma... I also wish you can see me get married ah... Please hold on for me can...

Friday, September 01, 2006

感伤

真的真的不想让你陪我一起伤心.
这样自己只会更难过吧.
看你忍着哭泣, 心也开始随你泪流.
事情怎么会如此转变呢.

Half Time

2 weeks have passed. Time seem to pass really slow and draggy.
I wonder by the dateline, would things turn for the better or worse. Suddenly the voidness that came seems soothing cos you are devoid of all emotions and one becomes more relaxed.

Ganbatte everyone.

Nice yet sad..

你的泪水蜿蜒的流,没有一丝挣扎,也不做任何反没。
是我猜中你的心思,说中你的心事,就可难舍。
事到如今,谁爱谁多,不用分说。

全怪我自己太洒脱,以为还能够填补你心中的伤口。
当我给的越来越多,你却显得退缩,仓惶失措,
才发现你的泪全不是为我。
但付出的是,感情怎能回首,爱都爱了又当如何。
怎么能让心不痛,面对着你,依然苦我,爱与不爱的失落放在胸口。

但感情的事,怎能权衡轻重,错都错了又当如何。
爱个人爱到忘我,咎由自取,深陷其中,但仍然也会软弱,只是不说。
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